Letters

Dear Right Knee,

You have been hurting me for 6 days now, and every second I hate you a little more. What is this all about? I was lucky enough to get out of a 18+ year soccer career without so much as a wince, and thank you for that, but why start now? Way to ruin my half marathon dreams. You've won this round, but its nothing a little surgery couldn't fix. Muahahha.

Watch your back,

The rest of my body.



Dear Seester,

You graduate college in a week. You've worked so hard to do well in school, support yourself, and play soccer and I'm so proud of you. Unfortunately your education degree is worth squat AND waitressing probably won't help get those massive student loans paid off. Congrats and welcome to the real world. Now if you could be a doll and not be so damn difficult to shop for, I'd get you a nice gift and keep my sanity.

Already pulling out my hair,

Older seeester and her wallet.



Dear California Real Estate Market,

I've been seriously involved with you for only two weeks now and you're already driving me nuts. You are expensive, high maintenence, difficult, dangerous, and sending me mixed signals. All I'm asking for is a 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom house with a decent sized back yard in a neighborhood I'll feel safe running in for less than $400,000. Unfortunately, this has turned out to be like looking for a needle in a field of hay. Its painful. Get your shit together or I'm moving back to Arizona, where we could afford to buy a frickin mansion.

Harumph,

Discouraged potential buyer.



Dear Westchester,

I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean it. I'm not cheating on you - we just can't be together right now. Your 1940's houses and tree lined streets are out of my price range right now, so we're going to have to go a little south. For now. Someday we will be together again.

I'll miss you,

Not a millionaire.



Dear June 11th,

The rest of soccer nation and I have been waiting for almost 4 whole years and we're getting impatient. I get goosebumps every time I see one of the Bono ads on ESPN. Also, I'm sick of the NBA. Would you hurry up already?

Breathless,

The entire world.



Dear NFL,

Get your shit together. Give my boyfriend lots of money - we both know he deserves it. This process has been going on for about 4 months now so we'd like this to happen sooner rather than later.

Thanks,

Impatiently waiting.