Frustration

Here's to a good 2009. Lets hope I can get my act together.

Excess

I've never been one for journaling, but writing a lot has really helped me get through this whole breakup thing. It forces me to work out my thoughts until they are coherent enough to put into real words. Usually I just let them stay all jumbled up in my head and that's just not a good way to go about things. So write I will!

Before I left you mentioned something about expectations. Rather, you asked if I was unhappy because I had some that were not yet met. I denied it at the time, but over the last few weeks I've bounced that word - expectations - around in my head.

You are damn right I'm disappointed my expectations weren't met.

I packed up my life and moved. With you. And I'll say it a bajillion times, I don't regret it for a second - it was absolutely the right thing to do. You were worth it. WE were worth it.

We left with the understanding that moving was going to be one step - albeit a BIG step - on our little relationship journey. And when we moved we both made a huge commitment to each other. But it wasn't THE commitment, it wasn't 'til death do us part' and I think I'm a little upset by that.

Everything went perfectly. Too perfectly, you've said. I agree. We were in our own little happy world in Brooklyn, NY and things were wonderful - absolutely wonderful. And still you balked when I brought up marriage. Its not like I was looking to marry you tomorrow - but it would have been nice to talk about that part of the future. Instead, you liked to change the subject. Hit the ignore button. And that, quite frankly, made me feel like crap. I wanted to hear that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me, and not just after I broke up with you. And I knew it - I felt it - but that's just not the same as hearing you say it.

Its not fair to you, and I know that. You made the same commitment I did when we moved. It just felt so different because you have such a big reason to be in New York, and my only reason was you. But I needed a little reassurance sometimes that I didn't move all the way the hell out there with you for no good reason. I needed you to be a little more open to discussing where our relationship was headed; it wasn't enough for me to just think so. And quite truthfully, in the fall I was more than ready to have that stupid ring on my finger. I practically planned a wedding while I wasn't doing much of anything at work those first few months. Turns out I was a lot more ready than you thought.

I'm sorry this is something I never discussed with you. I felt so uncomfortable bringing it up because of how little you liked talking about it. I remembered arguing with you at my dad's house before we moved, and I didn't want to argue about it again. It is a pretty ridiculous thing to argue about. So I never did bring it up. I'm sorry I expected you to figure that out on your own, and that it bothered me so much when you didn't. I've definitely learned how important communication is in a relationship, and while I know that doesn't help you out much, thank you so much for teaching me such an important lesson.

Ahhhhhh it feel so nice to vent vent vent. SO glad D doesn't read this thing :)

Audience?

I feel a wee bit pressure now that I know there is more than one person (Kayla!) that reads this thing. Like I have to say something witty or smart. Or just not sound like a complete and total idiot. Whatever.

::This will be a break-up free zone::

Up until yesterday I thought I had maybe made some forward progress. Closed a chapter. Up until yesterday. Then I took a huuuuuuge (if momentary) step backwards. It felt so good to just breathe and not think about how many things I've screwed up. I indulged myself because I felt like I deserved it. I know exactly how it feels to be awkwardly groping about in the dark. I let myself be all wrapped up, lost in the moment, and it was blissful.

Please don't let that be another string for me to fruitlessly cling to. Please make this real, tangible. Please let me continue to believe in the principles that I've lived by.

::Back to the real world::

::More of Shawna being overly melodramatic::

I miss my friend the most. More than the love and the relationship and the sex and the future and the feelings. I miss my best friend.

I've been leaning on a few unlikely sources. They are good friends - I'm lucky to have them - but nothing like the unequivocal support that you have given. You believed (believe) in me. You pushed (push) me. You trusted (trust) me. And I need that friend.

::Exit state of ridiculousness::

And now, to bed.

Mmmk

So. Dunno what to say to follow up that last one. Except, guys, I'm sorry about the breakdown I had right then. I knew this was going to be hard, but its proving to be way worse than I ever imagined. (It probably will happen again. And you will like it, or you will ignore it. Deal?)

By the way, thanks to those of you who rock. I feel the lovey-ness.

I'm going to be ok.

I'm in the mood where I could mental vomit (via my fingers) for three hours. No, I'm not going to do that to you.

Christmas has been jolly. Friends, family, food... ungodly amounts of food. And the leftovers! I have more leftovers than I know what to do with. I'm spending tomorrow organizing, tupperware-ing, and freezing almost everything. What an exciting life I lead, no?

Every time I burp its like a little adventure... I don't know what flavor is going to come up.

My brother gave me a GI Joe for Christmas. And an opened box of chalk. What? But its fair, because I gave him socks. And also a bottle of Smirnoff - he's one happy underage drinker. I also wrapped up everything D sent and distributed it like it was from me. I'm so sneaky. I didn't fool anyone.

Did you know that finding a job around the holidays is a bitch? Because it is. I hate to say it, but I miss my old job. Ooooh, it hurt to write that. I miss the zoo, and the Jews, and the crap, and the wasting 9 hours of my life behind a computer screen. I miss being gainfully employed. So does my bank account.

Soccer this week! Yess!

I hate New Years. I think about all the things I didn't accomplish in the last year, all the things I royally screwed up. Then I set a bunch of goals that I just know I won't come close to attaining. I just set myself up for failure and then I get bummed when I do fail. Honestly, I don't even REMEMBER what my resolutions were from last year. This is not a good sign.

This week I'm going to come up with some real resolutions; ones I could actually accomplish. And then I'm going to tell you all about them. And then I'm going to proceed to do nothing to get them done. Woo! I wish I weren't such a slacker...

Since I've been missing out on the Hannukah celebrations taking place in Brooklyn (and, you know, everywhere else in the world) I've been pretty bummed. Its been fun over the last few years to be with D on their holidays and learn and be a part of something new. And lets face it - I love Jewish food. D has actually sent me a picture of the plate of latkes at his cousin's house because he knew I was sad to be missing out on the deliciousness (in his defense, I had just taunted him with a picture of the apple pie I baked).

So I've decided I'm making me some damn latkes. We still have a few days left of Hannukah and I want to celebrate the festival of lights by partaking of yummy-ness. Latke party, anyone?

And to all a goodnight :)

In the Aftermath (warning: extreme melodramatica)

I'm home.

I've come home before, so I know what it entails. The joys, the disappointments, the loneliness. I know that after some time the novelty of home wears off and real life sets in. And I know that when it hits I'm not going to be ready to be here without you.

It was a hard decision. I know it was the right one.

I'm trying to get settled. I want a job, a dog, a time commitment. I want anything that forces me to move forward when I don't want to.

I'm sorry I couldn't keep from crying on the phone tonight. I tried to hide it and I know you heard and I know you humored my poor attempts to sound OK. Thank you.

I'm so sick of people saying, "its for the best." How the fuck do they know? I wish someone would slap me and ask why the hell I threw away the best thing I had going for me.

I'm glad you've been spending time with your family and getting out of that tiny apartment. You surprised me when you talked about all the things you have been doing. I wish we hadn't gotten so complacent.

I haven't been able to tell people out loud yet. I can type it. I can text it. But I can't say, "Oh, I'm not going back to New York," and I certainly can't say, "We broke up." Saying out out loud makes it so real. So far I've lied straight to a neighbor, 4 friends, and an uncle. I really need to stop.

This is the first time in 3 years I won't light the menorah with you. Its funny, I feel like something is missing now that I won't be celebrating Jewish holidays any more. I'm so happy we were able to share our differences with each other.

Rebuilding is going to be hard. How do you reshape your life without something that has been so important for so long?

It was so nice to talk tonight. God I miss you. I'm so sorry.

Proof of Boredom/Lack of motivation

1. Do you like blue cheese? Not really. I'm more of a brie kind of person.

2- Have you ever smoked cigarettes? Ew, no.

3- Do you own a gun? Again, Ew, no

4. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite? Never allowed to drink Kool Aid!

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Nah - I work at a drs office!

6. What do you think of hot dogs? They used to make me throw up when I was little, but now I love them. Everyone should eat Nathan's Hot Dogs. So freakin good.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Which one do I not like? Faves: Miracle on 34th St, Elf :)

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Milk in my cereal. And apple cider.

9. Can you do push ups? Yes! And I have been, because I want guns. The arm kind.

10. Favorite hobby? Running.

11. Do you have A.D.D.? No.

12. What's one trait you hate about yourself? That sometimes I sit around doing stupid, inconsequential things instead of getting important stuff done. Like right now.

13. Middle name? Lynn

14. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? I cant believe how much I have to do today. I can't believe how busy I'm going to be for the next few days. I can't believe I'm going to AZ tomorrow.

15. Name 3 drinks you regularly have. H20. Cider. Milk.

16. Current hate right now? love.

17. Favorite place to be? ACK

18. How did you bring in the New Year? I was at work. I stayed up til midnight with a handful of middle aged, heavily medicated men. Drank sparkling cider, set off those noisemaker things, and put everyone to bed ASAP so I could get some sleep.

19. a place would you like to go? Um... everywhere?

20. name three people who will complete this: nobody!

21. Do you have slippers? I just bought boots that are like slippers.

22. What shirt are you wearing? Best shirt ever - Cozens family reunion 06

23. Do you like sleeping on satin? Never tried.

24. Can you whistle? sure

25. Would you be a pirate? In a heartbeat.

26. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't sing. I dance. To whatever I'm feeling like. Currently, that is Beyonce's Single Ladies.

27. Favorite girl's name? Beyonce. Totally kidding.

28. What's in your pocket right now? Um... I have no pockets.

29. Last thing that made you laugh? The creepy xmas decorations in the window of the sushi restaraunt around the corner. Seriously, dancing Santa whose middle is a snow globe.

30. Favorite bed sheets as a child? Little Mermaid.

31. Worst injury ever? Broken arm, broken nose. I got off pretty easy.

32. Do you love where you live? I heart Brooklyn

33. How many TVs do you have in your house? 1, and its huge.

34. Who is your loudest friend? We all have our moments.

35. How many dogs do you have? None, yet

36. Does someone have a crush on you? Bah. See question 16.

37. What is your least favorite book? The Scarlet Letter, without a doubt. ::shudders::

38. What is your least favorite candy? Anything with NUTS. Except snickers... mmmm snickers.

39. What is your least favorite Sports Team? Hah - where to start? Lets say all soccer teams except Man u.

40. What song do you want played at your funeral? This is the song that doesn't end. People will be too annoyed to be sad. And they will NEVER forget that funeral.

Make these Cookies.

I know many of us are Smitten Kitchen fans. (Us? Do Kayla and I count as an "us"?) Anyway, I am an SK fan, so the other day when I had the urge to make cookies that was one of the places I looked. I was open to any kind of cookie, just as long as the ingredient list was incredibly simple (I live 3 blocks from a small grocery store - like the size of a convenience store anywhere else - but about 10 from a real grocery store. And I did NOT want to walk 10 blocks in the wintery mix for something silly like almond extract.)

This recipe caught my eye for one reason: it is a recipe adapted from the Magnolia Bakery Cookbook. Well, wouldn't you know, Magnolia Bakery is in NYC and its famous (more for its cupcakes) but D and I had gone over the weekend and both the cookies and the cupcakes were deeee-lish. And we had tried the PB cookies and SK had added in chocolate chips - hello, genius - and I was sold. And they were incredible, taste eeeenymost like the real thing, and I think I've eaten like 25 of them in the last day. Whoops.

So, to edit the title: Make these Cookies (but only if you can control yourself around cookies).


Peanut Butter Cookies

Adapted from the Magnolia Bakery Cookbook via Smitten Kitchen


1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 cup peanut butter at room temperature (I only had smooth, but they use chunky at the bakery)
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
1 large egg, at room temperature
1 tablespoon milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup peanut butter chips (right. like my neighborhood 7-11 had these. Just added extra pb!)
1/2 cup chocolate chips

For sprinkling: 1 tablespoon sugar, regular or superfine (i skipped this... i thought the 1 and 1/4 cups of sugar was plenty)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a large bowl, combine the flour, the baking soda, the baking powder, and the salt. Set aside.

In a large bowl, beat the butter and the peanut butter together until fluffy. Add the sugars and beat until smooth. Add the egg and mix well. Add the milk and the vanilla extract. Add the flour mixture and beat thoroughly. Stir in the peanut butter and chocolate chips.

Place sprinkling sugar — the remaining tablespoon — on a plate. Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls into the sugar, then onto ungreased cookie sheets, leaving several inches between for expansion.

Using a fork, lightly indent with a criss-cross pattern (I used the back of a small offset spatula to keep it smooth on top), but do not overly flatten cookies. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes. Do not overbake.

Cookies may appear to be underdone, but they are not.

Cool the cookies on the sheets for 1 minute, then remove to a rack to cool completely.

What?

Yesterday: 65 and sunny. D and I went out for a long walk and had ice cream. And it wasn't cold at all.

Today: Snow. Wintery Mix. More snow.

Someone please explain this to me?

For Kayla

BOOTS!

I found them.

Brown. Slouchy.

Knee high. Buttons up the side.

Flat heel. Adorable.

(Please excuse the mess)

Fashonista

Today is my birthday.

I make a habit of spoiling myself a little on my birthday. Today I left work early. Last year I went on a shopping spree - the Old Navy/Ross/Target combo at Tempe Marketplace was good to me. Its fun to indulge a little bit and I have a real excuse to do so!

This year I wasn't sure if I would buy myself anything. And then I realized I shouldn't be ridiculous, of COURSE I was going to buy myself something. Then I had to debate what, exactly, I would be splurging on. I thought long and hard about a Wii - seriously, how cool are they? - but 99% of the stores in the world are sold out/charging double what they should. I needed a Plan B.

Boots.

I want boots. I crave boots. I see other girls with stylish boots on and I drool a little. What's best is that I live in NY so I actually have a reason to buy boots. But I'm boot-dumb. I have no idea what I want, and whats worse, is I have no idea how to start figuring out what I want. I tried boot shopping once and after a few stores my head was spinning. Suede? Leather? Ankle or Knee High? To heel or not to heel? Should I wear them inside or outside of my pants? Brown? Black? Alligator? Kidding. But seriously, how is a girl to decide? To rephrase, how is the least-fashionable girl on the planet to decide? How does someone who only buys 1.99 Old Navy flip flops go about paying so much for a pair of shoes? HOW??

Clearly, if anyone has any suggestions, I would be forever grateful.

(I still really, really want a Wii)

Tagged!

Kayla got me... here it goes!

5 TV Shows I Love to Watch:
1) The Office
2) umm... sports because that's all D watches
3) Friends
4) Seinfeld
5) ??

5 Favorite Restaurants:
1) Havana Cafe
2) The Brotherhood
3) Fili B's
4) Amy's/Cracker Cafe
5) S Bistro

5 Things That Happened Yesterday:
1) Went out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner
2) Got a tire changed on my car
3) Plotted evilness
4) Reunited with friends
5) Watched a strange movie

5 Things I Love About Fall:
1) Leaves
2) Sweatshirts
3) Wind
4) The briskness of the air
5) Being outside

5 Things On My Wishlist:
1) Wii!
2) Down Vest
3) New running shoes
4) Bling
5) Smaller pants

5 People I Tag:
1) None!
2)
3)
4)
5)

Homeward Bound

ARIZONNNAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


In T- 14 hours.

This is going to be the longest day.


Dear Sun, I can't wait to see your sun-shiney face. I've missed you.

Dear Friends and Family, I missed you too. Just not with the same physical pain that I've missed the sun. See you soon :)

Dorkiness

I love Paul Simon. Obsessed, nearly. And there's not much I enjoy more than throwing on an LP and dancing/singing around the apartment. Tonight is a Paul Simon kind of night... D thinks I'm nuts :) This song in particular I love...


I Do It For Your Love

We were married on a rainy day
The sky was yellow
And the grass was gray
We signed the papers
And we drove away

I do it for your love

The rooms were musty
And the pipes were old
All that winter we shared a cold
Drank all the orange juice
That we could hold

I do it for your love

Found a rug
In an old junk shop
And I brought it home to you
Along the way the colors ran
The orange bled the blue

The sting of reason
The splash of tears
The northern and the southern
Hemispheres

Love emerges and it disappears

I do it for your love

I do it for your love

BRRRR!

It might SNOW today :) Also, the high is like 35. And I have to go outside. Can't wait for 70 degree temps next week!!!

Edit: Just checked the weather forecast. The highs here are lower than the lows in Phoenix all week! Did I mention I'm excited to come home?

Yay Yotes :)

Day 10: My afternoon walk. At work I have a paid 30 minute lunch break every day. And every day for the last 4+ months I've used that time to scarf down my food and take a stroll around the neighborhood. It's a cute, quiet neighborhood with lots of big, brick buildings and tree lined streets. Plus, I get out of the office for a half hour, and I kid you not, this time has seriously prevented me from having a nervous breakdown at work on a few occasions.

Day 11: My big warm winter coat. The high today is in the 40's. It's in the 30's now. To get to work I have to walk by the river. On the same note, also thankful for my gloves, scarf, hat, and earmuffs... brrrr!

Also, big big congrats to the CGCC Coyotes - region champs, district champs, and on their way to the national tournament! Although, they don't have to go far, since they are hosting the tournament the weekend before Thanksgiving. I'm bummed I can't be there, but good luck and make me proud!!

Catch Up

So I've been a little stressed lately, with my old crappy job and applying to grad school and impending winter and blah blah blah. I wanted a way to really focus on the good things I have going on for me, and this is especially fitting for the month of November. So I decided to come up with one thing every day that I'm especially thankful for - I know its cheesy, but if I write it down that means I had to think about it, and if I had to think about it then I know I'll feel better. So, like it or not, you are being subjected to 30 days of what makes Shawna happy. Now, I'm a little behind, I think I've only actually posted one day on time, so today you get a whole slew of happiness. And you know what? I feel better already :)

Day 1: Long walks. I love long walks. We walked about 5 miles on Nov 1st, from Columbia University in upper Manhattan all the way to Union Square. That's over 100 blocks. And though my legs hated me afterward, it felt gooooooooooood. Plus it was so nice to see parts of the city I had never seen before, like St John's Cathedral, the largest cathedral in the world. (Side note: this is admittedly quite sad, but if I felt any religious affiliation it would definitely be to Catholicism. And not because I believe in the doctrine, but because the places of worship are big and old and beautiful and I'm a sucker for that combination.)


Day 2: My family. I spent an hour and a half on the phone with my Dad last night. I heart my dad, I lucked out in the father department for sure. I can talk to him about anything, and sometimes I don't even have to talk because he knows exactly what I'm feeling. I miss him and I can't wait to give him a big hug when I get home!


Day 3: Arizona. I'll be back in 3 weeks and I'm so looking forward to predictable warm weather, sunshine, driving, my family and friends, my car, cooking with my old things, my neighborhood, and all sorts of other Arizona-y goodness.


Day 5: My new (ish) job. So much better than before.


Day 6: Love. It's this big, awful, wonderful, complicated thing and a lot of times it sucks but at the same time who would trade it for anything? Not me :)


Day 7: Leaving early every Friday. I don't think this one needs explaining.


Day 8: The internet. I made the most delicious soup for dinner on Saturday night - Potato Broccoli Cheese. I found a few recipes online, combined them according to my taste, and whipped it up in no time. And it was delicious. Without my little Dell and an internet connection I would never been able to do that, since I own exactly 1 cookbook and it's not actually a cookbook, but a Betty Crocker pamphlet that I'm pretty sure came free with a Betty Crocker purchase. So thank you, internet, and all you other internet users that share your recipes with me!


Day 9: SUNSHINE! The last few days have been miserable. Rainy. Cold. Bleak. But surprisingly warm - in the 60s! What? So I've been stuck in my little apartment, sprinting every time I have to go outside so I don't get soaked. And I've had to run on the treadmill in the basement, and rain + basement = uber humidity = gross. But today the sun is shining and I'm looking forward to a run in the park this morning and maybe a long walk later :)

Election Day!

I voted! I got myself out of bed at 6am this morning, bundled up, and headed to my polling place. The line was already out the door and around the block! At 6 in the morning! I'm glad we got up and got it over with though, because I'm positive those lines are just going to get worse as the day goes on.

Did you know that NY is one of the only states that does not use computerized voting? Even in states where you fill out a paper ballot, the votes are usually counted electronically. Not New York. I voted this morning using a machine that had to have been from the 1950's. I went in and had to pull this huge lever, then flick these tiny switches that corresponded to my candidates. Little X's showed up in the box by their name, and then I had to pull the huge lever back the other way to count the vote. Old school. Here's a picture - but mine was blue:

I'm not actually sure the thing worked - but then, one more vote for Obama in New York isn't really going to make a difference. It's just after 8 and he may have the thing won already :)

I won't say much more about this, but I really do hope that AZ, CA, and FL can strike down the propositions to ban gay marriage. Not too long ago, whites used religion to discriminate against blacks - and now we're about to elect a black man president (fingers crossed!). I hope in 50 years anyone who discriminates against others based on sexual orientation can look back and be ashamed of their intolerance. I'm not interested in taking away other people's rights, and quite frankly I'm disappointed that some people find it acceptable. Besides, in Arizona gay marriage is already illegal - what exactly is the point of this proposition, then?

What I'm Thankful for Today: I am obviously thankful for my country, my democracy, and my rights! We are so lucky to live in a country where we can enjoy so many freedoms. Now, everyone exercise their right to vote and get out there! (This month I'm trying to use every day to appreciate the things I have - it's fitting with Thanksgiving and all. I'm a little behind with days 1, 2, and 3 but I will get there eventually!)

On a Lighter Note...

Since my last post was a little on the serious side, I'll only be talking about agreeable things today. So, here you have it, in no particular order, Shawna's top 10 reasons why she is happy.

1. It is the weekend. 2 1/2 glorious days of no work and sweet freedom. Fabulous.

2. We're going to see a play tomorrow! We scored some free tickets through this neat program, so we are pretending to be cultured people. The play is tomorrow afternoon, so I may even be able to turn it into a full-fledged date if I can convince D to take me out for dinner :)

3. On Monday I came home from work and decided to go for a run. I took a lovely jog through the park that we live pretty close to and felt really, really good about it. The park is pretty big, and its the only place I've found that you can feel like you're not in the middle of a gigantic city. Plus all the trees are turning all sorts of colors. It was really beautiful and peaceful - just what I needed.

4. On Tuesday I found a really neat website, walkjogrun. This site uses a google-ish satellite map and allows you to enter in a route (you know, to walk, jog, or run) and then calculates the mileage. It was really fun to enter in my little run, and even more fun to see how far I actually ran - 5 miles! Not bad for a Monday afternoon whim.

5. Today I went for another run along the same route. This means that this week I ran 10 miles! Oh hey, I'm awesome.

6. Next Tuesday I officially start my new position. Thank freakin' god - I could not have made it much longer at my old position. Now I finally get to be working with patients again - and really learning about OBGYN! It's also nice because 3 days a week I will be at a different office, so there will be a lot more variety in my work week from now on.

7. I painted my nails last weekend. Now, usually I'm not a painted-nail kind of girl, except for the occasional pedicure with my sisters. But I found a really pretty color nail polish - pink, but not too pink - and it's perfect. It makes me feel infinitely more feminine and delicate. I think I may be a painted-nail convert.

8. D was craving something peanut buttery this week, and I was craving something chocolaty as always. We put the two together and made chocolate peanut butter rice krispie treats, and let me tell you, these things are delicious. I eat at least 2 every day - and with how fattening they are, its a good thing I've been running so much!

9. I'll be back in the AZ on November 25th, which is exactly 1 month from tomorrow. So excited for warmth and sunshine and friends! And my car! I miss my car.

10. I'm starting to feel like I have some semblance of a plan for the next few years of my life. I know what I really want to do (PA school) but I have a good backup plan if I don't get in (nursing school). I have sorted out a lot of my relationship confusions and I know what I want and have an idea of how to get it - or how to try to get it, at least. And, most importantly, I know that very rarely do things go as they are supposed to, so I am armed with resilience and flexibility in the event that everything blows up in my face. This is a good place to be.

In Which I Bore You to Death with Politico

A lot of the blogs that I read have lately discussed the issue of gay marriage. In AZ there is legislation to be voted on that would ban gay marriage in that state. Now, I’m proud to say that I voted against a similar proposition last year, and proud to say that a whole lot of other Arizonians did as well – enough to strike down the proposition. And since the majority of the blogs I read are written by a more conservative bunch, I’d like to at least get my ‘crazy liberal’ perspective out there, and maybe even spark an intelligent debate that does not involve the word “God” (because last I checked, America was founded on the principle of separation of church and state).

First, let me say that I fully appreciate the views that a lot of people hold. In a religious sense, homosexuality is a sin and I get that. Hi, I was born into a Catholic household. Catholic, people! As for now, I hold no religious affiliation, and that fact makes it easy for me to divide this into a religious issue as opposed to a political issue, which is what we are voting on. (I am also proud to say that despite my lack of religiousness, I’ve been to more churches than you. More types of churches, I mean. I have attended services of lots of faiths, and I think that every single one of them is beautiful and that not one of them is more right than any other. But that’s a whole different story.)

Onto the issues. Homosexuality is not something that I engage in, nor is it something I actively support. The way I see it, it’s a matter of fairness. See, the beautiful thing about being an American is that we have freedoms. You know - speech and right to bear arms. And we have an unquestionable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I live by the absolute premise that ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL, and to me that stands regardless of education, faith, gender, socioeconomic status, and all the other variables that make us individuals. This includes, of course, sexual orientation. I try, though I don’t always succeed, to treat every single person I meet in the same manner. I would never, ever, ever try to deny someone a basic right (in this case, pursuit of happiness) based on any qualifying characteristic (in this case, sexual orientation). I call that being a good American (and a good person).

Further, I don’t think that the government should be involved in this issue. And frankly, I don’t see how a lot of you can ask the government to get involved – to unfairly lump you together, you’re a conservative bunch. You’ll be voting for McCain. You believe in deregulation. You agree with Palin when she said “you know, government, just get out of my way”. Except, of course, now that this comes up you are all begging for government intervention. If someone has a plausible explanation for this I’ll be glad to take it all back, but aren’t some conservative voters out there being just a little bit hypocritical right now? I feel that this is a moral issue for each person to decide on their own, not a place for laws and regulations.

And now, let me present my problems with the ideals of those who feel differently than I. One blog I read (I won’t be quoting or naming any names) argued that allowing homosexual marriage would create a more tolerant society. Oh, and they were arguing that this would be a bad thing. Does anyone else find this totally ridiculous?!? Tolerance is the most important thing we as people of the world can strive for. And while I don’t know a whole lot about the specific teachings of the church that this person subscribes to, they used the church to justify their position. Fair enough, except that this person is a Christian. As in, follows the teachings of Jesus Christ. Who, incidentally, taught a whole lot of tolerance. I don’t think that anyone who calls themselves a Christian (or a Jew, for that matter) can use his principles to argue for less tolerance in the world, as doing so directly opposes the teachings of Christ.

Random side note: other things that I am against include all the construction still going on in my building. All this hammering really cannot be necessary.

A second reason I cannot support a lot of the ideas I’ve read is not so much the conclusion (not supporting gay marriage) as much as it is the thought process that has brought about that conclusion. A big big reason that people come to their conclusions is religion. However, this is not a religious issue right now, it is a political one, and the responsibility of being an American includes not mixing those two parts of your whole. Again, I understand that this is much easier for me to do than for a lot of other people because I have no religious affiliations. Growing up, I was not taught morals through religion but rather through more concrete ideas of right and wrong. (Disclaimer: I only say ‘more concrete’ because there are a LOT of religions that teach a lot of different rights and wrongs. My morals are (simply) things that all religions can hopefully agree on – killing is bad, being nice is good, etc.) As a result I find it easy to think that its wrong to discriminate based on sexual orientation – I have no religious authority telling me otherwise. I see how it can be difficult for those of you that are religious to discriminate moral and religion because for you those two things are so tightly interwoven. But morals do exist outside of religion (and, sadly, religion can exist without morals) and this gray area is the one that we must be arguing on – that space that exists in the separation of morality and religion. The issue is not and cannot be “homosexuality is wrong because my priest/pastor/bishop/rabbi/whatever told me that it’s wrong”; instead the decision must be “do I believe that all people should have equal rights, or do I believe people can be disqualified from rights based on certain characteristics?” The key words there are “DO I BELIEVE”. What are your personal beliefs? What do you think, outside of what your church teaches you? Do you really believe that people can be stripped of rights based on one single characteristic? And if you do, remember that people once thought that people could be stripped of rights based on skin color – was that fair? How different was that from what could happen now to homosexuals?

Time for disclaimers. I’m not trying to swing your vote. I’m not trying to attack your religion. I’m not trying to corrupt the minds of young America. I just wanted to present a (hopefully) somewhat coherent argument about why homosexual marriage may not be a sign of the apocalypse. I would appreciate somewhat coherent responses, from all different perspectives, but don’t get angry with me. The end.

Soccer Legs

Before I packed up and moved to NY, I had the most fantastic job ever. I worked as a MA in a doctors office, just like I do now, but my office was the best. It was small - 2 doctors and 1 PA - and all 3 of the providers were absolutely committed to teaching. Which was perfect for me and my future hopes and dreams. I could spend 20 minutes asking Dr Whitely questions and she wouldn't just humor me - she'd enjoy it. I miss that job.

The office manager has a 16 year old daughter who plays soccer. In fact, at my interview we spent 30 minutes talking soccer - coaches, teams, etc - and I'm halfway convinced that's why I was hired in the first place.

As we all know, that wonderful change of life can hit right around 16. For this girl, she was right in the middle of it. For an athlete, that can mean a lot of different things. For soccer players, it means soccer thighs. For me it all started around 16 - I think its awful that kids start weight training right in the middle of puberty. First I've got tiny bumps on my chest and now you want me to squat 100lbs? Everything on your body is going in every which way: boobs out, hips out, abs in, and it can be a bit overwhelming. Trust me.

One of the not-so-pleasant side effects of weight training is stretch marks. For me and my fellow soccer players, this devastates your upper thighs, right around the hips. I have some nasty scarring all over the front half of me - though, for the record, as my legs are shrinking so are my scars! YAY!

Back to my office manager and her daughter. The OM was really concerned about her daughter. To the point that one day she called me back into her office to ask me about it. I assured her that some stretch marks on the thighs were totally normal, not to worry, and I had lots. I even went so far as to tell her that I would show her mine, if she wanted to see. And although I was joking, she asked if she could. So, what did I do?

I closed the door and dropped my pants. In front of my boss.

How many people have pulled this off without getting fired? I'm sure that I'm in the minority here. In the end, though, I made this poor woman feel a little bit better about her daughter and given that outcome, I'm totally at peace with my shamelessness.

In Which I Talk About Food

My favorite topic? Yes.

Growing up, I never worried about how much I ate or what I put in my mouth. First, I was young and had the metabolism of a teenager - oh how I miss those days. Second, I was an athlete, and a serious one. I played enough soccer to burn off anything I consumed, and then some. One week in the summer I decided to estimate my caloric intake: around 6000. A day. And I was losing weight. At that rate, who cares what you eat?

As I grew up, and as my soccer playing days came to an end, I still never thought about food. I just ate it, the same way I always had. As you can imagine, this led to some weight gain. I didn't think it was a big deal - only natural, right, that when you stop doing heavy exercise for 3 hours a day that you put on a few pounds. I was still slim, and healthy.

At some point I grew unhappy with myself, my body, my weight. It was never the number on the scale, no, the athlete in me learned how to ignore that number long ago. It was just the way I felt. My arms had a slight jiggle. My belly button - an inny - sorta disappeared. My legs, which had always been big, lost their definition and rock-solidness. I grew my first real set of boobs. I wasn't my athletic, trim self and I didn't like it. Enough was enough, I was fixing this situation.

I thought about a lot of options. Did some research online. Realized a 'diet' was not going to work for me. My attitudes about food and exercise had to change permanently, not just for a 6-week lo-carb phase. I started thinking about the things I was putting into my body, and what I was asking that body to do. I started cooking more, and the things I cooked were full of veggies, complex carbs, and proteins. I started watching how much sugar I brought in, and started choosing unrefined grains and breads. I made swaps - frozen yogurt for ice cream, fruit for cookies, chicken and turkey for red meats.

I'm happy to report that I've lost a solid 17 pounds just by making these small changes. The best part? While at first I felt like I was making sacrifices (like when I really, really wanted that ice cream) now I feel good about my choices. I enjoy eating what I eat, and don't feel like I'm giving anything up. If given the choice, I'd probably choose a turkey burger over a hamburger. I'd take frozen yogurt over ice cream (ok... well, maybe) and I'd definitely pick fruits or veggies for a snack over chips, candy, or anything else. Why? Because last week I wore a pair of pants that I haven't fit into since fall semester of my freshman year of college, which was the leanest I've probably ever been. Because I'm over half way to my goal (which is, incidentally, my weight fall semester of freshman year). And mostly because I feel better about the way I look and feel. And that's a beautiful thing.

Weekend Update

I'm terrible at this blogging thing. I'm sporadic, mostly incoherent, and I ramble. But the worst offense of all - I take no pictures.

This weekend, for example, I went to Boston. My favorite place in the whole wide world. Well, its certainly up there. And I took exactly 0 pictures. I suck. But I would like you all to know that I had a fabulous time and I want to live there instead of NY. I had a really hard time coming home. Boston is much more... relaxed... than here. And much less expensive! All in all, Boston > NY.

This is going to be random. I warned you.

Taco turns 21 this week. I'm bummed I can't be there to get her good and drunkfaced, but I'm sure she will do just fine on her own. Happy 21st, seester!

Just over a month until I make my triumphant return to AZ. Hey, I'm excited. I miss AZ, probably a little more than I expected. Mostly I miss the people though.

Today I made a mental list of all my faults. Let me say, I'm a little concerned - it was a long list. However, I'm more concerned by the fact that I was in a better mood after I made the list than I was before - the list cheered me up? I'm hoping its just because I realized that, for the most part, I am totally capable of fixing these faults - always good news. Now, the question is, will I...

Boyfriends shouldn't go grocery shopping on their own. He did this weekend and came back with $7 worth of yogurt (which, at $.30 each, is a lot) and rice cakes and not much else. Oh, how could I forget the two containers of frozen yogurt? Ha - no vegetables, no fruit, nothing to EAT! Ah! Its a good thing I like him.

I have ANOTHER 2 days off this week... fabulous. They are days 4 and 5 of my 7 days off this month. I'm considering making this my weekly work schedule - 2 days off in the middle of the week. 30 hours a week. The good thing is, I don't get paid nearly enough so that extra 10 hours doesn't really make a difference :)

I'm going to forage for more food now. Then take a glorious nap. If I didn't hate my job so much, I'd love it.

The Zoo!!!

Last Saturday D and I headed up to the Bronx Zoo. We both bank with BofA, and they have this cool promotion the first weekend of every month - free admission at certain cultural or academic institutions if you show your BofA card! A few months ago we spent a Saturday at the Met - which was incredible - and this month we figured this would be the last month we could actually stand to be outside, so it was a zoo kind of day.

Unlike the Phoenix Zoo, the Bronx Zoo is huge. Oh, and you can actually see the animals. And now, so will you!

The tiger! I'm going to admit, there was one point while we were standing here that the tiger got right next to the glass right in front of us. I swear he stood there and stared at us! I didn't get a picture because I got really excited and ended up snapping a picture of the ground instead. And by the time my camera reset, he had walked away. I'm a failure.

Poor quality picture - but this was the cutest little monkey we saw all day!

The sea lions were by far the best part of the day. There was a huge tank will 5 or 6 of them in there, and they were all swimming around and doing tricks to show off.

There was a little baby sea lion too, and he was wiped out! He didn't really move from this position much for the whole time we stood there. Its rough to be a baby :)

Every once in a while one would propel itself out of the water and land with a big splash. Bunch of show offs, I tell ya.

Then, this guy jumped right up on the edge of the tank right in front of us. He was just looking around at everybody and literally posing for pictures.

Then he let out a roar - I don't know what sound sea lions really make? - and splashed right back into the tank!

This was in the Madagascar exhibit. I don't remember what these guys were, exactly, but they were neat!

How cute are these guys all huddled up with each other?

I like to move it move it!

The giraffes! There were four, including a baby, which was the most adorable thing I've ever seen. Unfortunately, I couldn't get a picture.

African dogs - very strange. They looked like dogs, only bigger and scarier. I did not want to pet these guys.




The bear! He was for some reason very intent on digging himself a hole.

When he finished digging, he sat right down and took a nap.

This was the showdown of the century. I don't know about you, but I don't think I'd let my 2 year old face off against a bird the same size as her.

The lions!

Yeah, these guys weren't far from the lions. Like, I'm pretty sure the lions had access to them, if you know what I mean.

And that was our big day at the zoo. It was a freakin hike to get out there - the Bronx is NOT close to Brooklyn - and also, I don't think I'd go to the Bronx at night. But the zoo was neat. And the pretzels were cheap :) Thank you, BofA, for another cheap day!

Apples and Oranges

As fall has officially arrived here on the East coast, we've entered my favorite time of the produce year: Apple Season! I love apples. Love them. I could eat 3 apples a day, I kid you not. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, I want apples in all of my meals. It's ridiculous to begin with, and sometimes gets completely out of hand.

With all this nonsense about apples, I want to finally admit to the world: I am an apple snob. I like all types of apples, don't get me wrong, but I will flat out refuse a Red Delicious, and don't get me started on Goldens... yuk. I like Granny Smith enough to buy them, but in my heart there is only place for one perfect kind of apple: the McIntosh. It is the very apex of apple perfection: tart yet sweet. Crunchy, but not too much. A pretty combination of red and green. And I think it is delicious.

A lot of people look down on the McIntosh. It's not good for baking, they say, because it loses too much moisture or it falls too much. Bah! Humbug. That's totally bogus. How could you say anything bad about the apple that inspired the Apple brand, the Macintosh computer? I want you to go to the store and pick up at least 3 pounds of McIntosh apples. They're good for you. They're delicious in pies. Or apple butter, or cider, or bread, or cake, or however else you want to eat them. Just eat them, and rejoice in there delicious, tarty, juicy goodness. You are welcome.

It's a Simon and Garfunkel kind of Night

Kathy’s Song

I hear the drizzle of the rain
Like a memory it falls
Soft and warm continuing
Tapping on my roof and walls.

And from the shelter of my mind
Through the window of my eyes
I gaze beyond the rain-drenched streets
To England where my heart lies.

My mind's distracted and diffused
My thoughts are many miles away
They lie with you when you're asleep
And kiss you when you start your day.

And as a song I was writing is left undone
I don't know why I spend my time
Writing songs I can't believe
With words that tear and strain to rhyme.

And so you see I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you.

And as I watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die
I know that I am like the rain
There but for the grace of you go I.




I’m a terrible person. But S&G takes me back. And in this case, back to the very same place I’ve been stuck.

I hate writing in abstracts. Hopefully I get myself sorted out soon.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

It's 1:30 in the afternoon and I just put on a bra. I love days off.

I'm going to be having a lot of days off this month, thanks to the plethora of Jewish holidays. My office is ultra-orthodox, so I have a total of 7 days off. Fantastic. The only bad part: I'm not getting paid for most of them. Ohhhhh well.

Speaking of which, I went to church yesterday. It was the first day of Rosh Hashana, or the Jewish new year, so I went with my lovely Jewish boyfriend and some of his family. I've never been to Jewish services before - only 1 Bar Mitzvah - but this was pretty neat. Minus the fact that I couldn't understand a thing that was going on, because most of the service was in Hebrew :) Another bonus: the service was actually held in Plymouth Church, which is a historic church in downtown Brooklyn. Absolutely beautiful. I'm such a sucker for old things.

The thing I like best about the Jews is that they like to eat. I cannot tell you how much I've eaten the last 2 days - we had a full thanksgiving-style dinner on Monday night with turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans and some Jewish additions like kugel and mandelbrot. Last night was chicken, a brisket, asparagus, honey cake, more kugel. Oh, and lots of matzah ball soup. And gefilte fish, which I did not sample. I've had enough food the last 2 days to last me all week. And it was delicious. Next week is Yom Kippur, so I'll have to do it all over again. Hello to the beginning of the holiday weight gain!

I've been working a LOT on my grad school applications. They are due the 1st of November, so its crunch time! I'm getting really nervous about getting in - It will be such a disappointment if I don't. But there's not much I can do about it at this point except hope for the best!! Good thoughts are appreciated.

Time to run to the grocery store - I'm making my dad's chili for dinner and I need to pick up a few things. Have a good day and Shana Tova! (Happy New Year!)

Go ahead. Call me Ridiculous.

First, I've come to a glorious conclusion.

Blogging, thus far, has been an extremely part-time activity. What do you want from me? I work full time, I've been studying feverishly for the GRE, and have to live my fabulous (read: boring) life. Who has time for a blog?!? Psha.

As I'm sure I've let you know, I have the most incredibly, absolutely boring job on the face of the earth. Ok, its not that bad, but it certainly isn't riveting or intellectually stimulating in any way, shape, or form.

Revelation: I CAN BLOG AT WORK!

Now, I can't actually blog at work. The Nazi web filters disallow most websites I would choose to waste my time at, so I find other ways. Said filters do, however, allow email. I have discovered that I can get around this by emailing myself entries, which I can post when I'm home and don't have Barracuda breathing down my neck. Stupid fish.

Get excited. You'll be subjected to an exponential increase in ramblings and nonsense.

Today's topic, again inspired from work, is going to be why I suck, and what I'm doing about it. This is self-improvement in action, people.

I spoke to a girl today at work who was so many things that I was jealous of. Jealousy is not pretty, but this girl was beautiful. And personable. And funny. And married. And she seemed very sure of herself and very secure with the way her life was going. And all of this made me want to be like her.

Independently of this, I was browsing online and found myself on Glamour's website. One article was titled "30 Days to a Better You!" and I bit. What could it hurt? Every day I get emailed a tip, something to work on... today's is posture. I'm slouching as I type this. And now I just straightened up. However, I feel like overall this 30 days thing is going to be a big waste of time. I do need better posture though...

Waste of time or not, these two things got me thinking. Its not like I'm miserable. But I certainly have fond recollections of "better days" when I didn't dread going to work and when life wasn't broken up into 40-hour-a-week pieces. And I guess the workweek is a part of growing up, and that's fine with me. I don't mind work. I mind my job, is more like it. But that doesn't mean I should be grumpy in the morning because I'm dreading the day. Why should I dread the day? No more. Now, I'm going to kick the day's ass. And high five myself as I watch the day cry in the corner. I want to stop worrying about PA school and take comfort in the fact that I have a pretty good backup plan if it doesn't work out. I want to enjoy my time in NY, even if its freezing effing cold out, because it is an incredible place and I only have a limited amount of time here. I want to straighten out my head, figure out what I really want in life, and who I really want to be a part of that life, and then I want to do whatever it takes to make that a reality. And dang it, that's exactly what I'm going to do!

Go me!

Attention, Attention

I just effing rocked the GRE.

I mean EFFING rocked it.

I'm feeling muuuuuccccchhhh better about the grad school admissions process right now.

:)

I think I'm happier about this than I would be if it happened to me.

Babies?

I work in an OBGYN office. It would be an understatement to say that it is a busy office - we have 14 providers (9 docs, 5 midwives) and serve a population that is good at reproducing (Orthodox Jews). I'm not kidding when I tell you the average family size in this community is 8. Excuse me... that's 8 kids.

Many of these women get married and start having babies at a relatively young age. Girls come in that are my age on their 2nd or 3rd child. While I am happily childless and unmarried, I admit, I am a little envious of these girls - their children are adorable and lets face it, having kids is the grown-up version of having dolls. Except children are substantially more needy. But more fun. Either way, I want something little and cute to play with whenever I want, and since our apartment building says no-no to puppies, this is manifested in a very slight case of baby-envy.

Yesterday I had an experience that transformed "a very slight case of baby-envy" into "I MUST START HAVING CHILDREN NOW!!!"

One of my many responsibilities at work is Intake. Basically, I interview new patients before they see the doctor to obtain a comprehensive health history (can't tell I'm working on grad school applications, can you?). New patients at our office fall into a limited number of categories: New Annual Exams, New OB patients, New GYN patients, and PreNup patients. And I interview them alllllllllllll.

On Monday a chart came up for Intake that was a New OB. Nothing out of the ordinary, until I noticed the patient was born in 1960. If you do the math, that makes this woman 48 years old. I was sure this was some sort of typo, either in the type of visit or date of birth, but went ahead and called the woman into my office to do my thing.

I found out that yes, this woman was 48 years old and yes, she was pregnant.

It turns out that she had been married for years, but her and her husband had waited to start having children. When they did start trying, they had a lot of problems - first, a miscarriage, then years of not conceiving at all. They got help - countless fertility specialists told them they'd never have children - but they kept trying, kept seeking new doctors and new technologies.

This woman conceived her first child at age 45 through a donor egg implantation. She carried the pregnancy to term and gave birth to a healthy baby girl. 2 years later, she and her husband decided to have their second child, and she is currently 15 weeks along on her second pregnancy.

Now, I am fully aware that I am a big dork when it comes to medicine. I am fascinated by the fact that doctors are able to mix a donor egg with her husband's sperm, implant it in her, and make a baby. Probably even more so than I am warmed to the core by her story - which I am. But dorkiness aside, THAT IS FRIGGEN AMAZING. There is no reason this woman should be conceiving and bearing children at this age, but look at her go. And look at her build the family she always wanted. And you didn't see her yesterday, but she was positively glowing. And that put a smile on my face for the rest of the day.

As heartwarming a story as it is, it brings up a lot of questions in my little mind. The lines around issues like donor eggs and science and morality and fertility are so unclearly drawn - what will conception with donor gametes do to the makeup of the population? What if two people want to get married and find out they have the same donor father? How far can we take this technology, and how does that compare to the question of how far should we take this technology?

Besides all the legal/moral issues, it also makes me want to jump on the baby-making bandwagon. (Hey... that sounds fun!) I suppose as women we tend to take our fertility for granted - we assume that our bodies will do what they are supposed to as soon as we want them to. And as technology gets better - and we get more comfortable with it - we can be even more lax because we have something to fall back on. I have ALWAYS figured that when the time came, things would happen as they were supposed to but now I'm a little more concerned. And, clearly, the best way in my mind to remedy this is to get knocked up.

**I'm clearly only joking about having children anytime soon. I'm rather enjoying being a selfish brat right now :)

Another Friday Afternoon Update!!

I knowwwww, I'm a little behind here.

We have been incredibly boring the last few weeks. I take the GRE next Saturday (eek!) so every night I come home from work, grab something quick to eat, and hit the books. D usually turns on the TV and watches the Mets - possibly his favorite thing about living in NY so far. I promise, once this exam is over I'll be much more interesting!

Last week, as you know, was the 7th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center. D and I were both curious to see what that would be like, especially with living in the city. Let me tell you: nothing out of the ordinary. Life as usual. I don't know how I feel about that - on one hand, it was huge, terrible day in American history, and we should honor and remember that. On the other hand, I almost feel that the best way to honor that is to go about our business as usual. To live like we did before the attacks. To not hide in constant fear of those who seek to destroy the freedom and peace we enjoy in this nation. I think that such resilience is in the true spirit of New York and of America.

The one very neat thing that we got to experience was that the lights were turned on for the night. We have spectacular views of lower Manhattan from our roof, so we went up late that night to see what we could see.

Now, my little point-and-shoot had a tough time with everything that was going on - the lights of our neighborhood, the bridge, the city, and the towers. I played with the ISO for the first time, and though this picture isn't exactly in focus, I don't think it came out too bad.

On Friday night we got to go to our first Mets game - for free! We certainly enjoy many perks of D's job. Since this is the last year at Shea, this was a little sentimental for me - I used to go to Shea with my family, gran, aunts, uncles, etc all the time when the whole clan was in CT. I'm glad I made it one more time!

On a side note, I have no idea why the contractor for our building decided that the BEST time to have people come in to do all sorts of loud, bangy work is on FRIDAY AFTERNOONS. Why not Thursday? Why not Tuesday? Why not any other day that I don't have the afternoon off and have 2 objectives: to nap and to take a practice GRE, both of which require some quiet. I'm not asking for library-type silence here... I just think I could do without whatever it is that sounds like a jackhammer.

See? I told you I was boring. That's all I've got for you in the last week. But, to make it up to you, I leave you with a picture of D and I at our very finest:

Random

2 weeks til the GRE… starting to get nervous!

An article about bachelorette parties popped up on my MSN page – suuuuper excited for Erin’s. Even if its a year+ away.

Good advice I received today: Never tell yourself ‘I shouldn’t be feeling the way I’m feeling.’

I love Boerum Hill. Why can’t I afford to live there? (Town homes sell for $3+ million)

Oh, and my dad got Facebook. I'm totally embarrassed and entertained at the same time. I love that Mike.

That's all for today!

Fall? What?

Today is September 12th, and though we are not (for another week) officially in the season of fall, I'm starting to believe its here.

This comes as a bit of a shock to me. First, in Arizona, fall does NOT exist until potentially Thanksgiving. We enjoy what? A week and a half of crisp air and that fall-y smell until "winter" hits. Second, I've lived in places with fall before - why have I never noticed that Labor Day marks the demise of summer? Of lazy days at the beach and watermelon and BBQs?

(Answer: because I was younger than 7 or playing a fall collegiate sport each time fall has rolled around)

We aren't running our AC anymore. I sleep under a blanket. When the sun goes down, you don't want to go outside without a sweater. Leaves are changing colors (!) and falling. Apples are in season. Its fall.

When I actually get to experience this time of year, it automatically takes me back to being 5 years old. My earliest (and favorite) memories of my childhood are from fall. I remember going to New Hampshire to pick apples and pumpkins. My sister and I would be dressed alike - big surprise - in red plaid skirts, white Irish sweaters, and black stockings. We would run around the apple orchard like wild women while my pregnant mother dragged my toddler brother behind. We'd pick and eat as many apples as our baskets and stomachs would carry, and would take them to the farmer where he would press them into fresh apple cider. We'd go on hay rides pulled by a giant Clydesdale. We'd go into the little general store and buy apple products - apple juice, apple cider, apple butter, apple candy, dried apples, apple pie - you name it. And then we'd lug home 20 pounds of apples and pumpkins to carve for Halloween.

In an English class in high school we were asked to write a paper on our favorite memory. I chose this - who wouldn't? I wrote my rough draft over a weekend to bring into class for peer editing on Monday, printed it, and accidentally left it on the printer for a few hours. My mom picked it up and read it - I found her bawling in her bedroom. She said my memories of these afternoons were dead on. I don't know why my 4 and 5 year old mind chose to keep this particular memory, except that maybe it was too beautiful to forget.

So, its fall... who wants to send me sweaters and long sleeved shirts?

This post is about Taco

If you know anything about my family, you know that it is an absolute requirement that you play soccer. Also, you must play it well. Its no surprise, then, that all 4 of us will (once the youngest gets there) play college soccer.

Like any family, each of us kids has our strengths and our not-so-strengths. My youngest sister and I are the more athletic of the bunch. Taco is the smartest, and my brother... well, he's an idiot.

Taco played 2 years of junior college soccer, then decided that she wanted to look around for a small D3 or NAIA program in California. She ended up going to Chapman University in Orange, CA where she has it pretty good... she lives in SoCal, 15 minutes from the beach, who can argue with that? She plays soccer there, and though her first season had some ups and downs - like an ankle swollen to twice its size - she just started her second season as a Panther.

And this is why she rocks:

CHAPMAN UPSETS NO. 9 WASH U. IN HOME OPENER

ORANGE, Calif. – One out of three is not bad, especially when you’re talking about the unranked Chapman University women’s soccer team capturing one upset win in three tries against top-10 ranked programs in the team’s first three games. The Panthers did exactly that on Thursday night, defeating No. 9 Washington University of St. Louis 1-0 in their 2008 home opener at Wilson Field.

Chapman (1-2) received a late goal from senior D Tara Cozens in the 86th minute of play to clinch its first win of the season. Senior M Brittany Botterill centered a free kick from about 20 yards out and Cozens knocked the loose ball from inside the keeper box. The goal was the first of her career and the first for Chapman this season after back-to-back shutouts to begin the year.

Senior GK Madison Coffin was stellar on defense, particularly in the second half when she made four of her five saves to earn the shutout. Coffin was also the beneficiary of some good fortune as the Bears – which out-shot the Panthers 10-4 in the second half – hit the crossbar twice with two shots in the half.

Amanda Boe was equally solid in goal for Washington (2-1), making four saves in defeat.

The Panthers win over top-10 Washington comes after a pair of losses last weekend to No. 5 Puget Sound (Wash.), 1-0, and No. 10 Whitworth (Wash.), 2-0. Both losses came on the road.

I Love my Boyfriend, but...

He just organized our DVD collection by genre.

Random New York

As I mentioned, last weekend we celebrated D's birthday. I made his favorite dish for dinner, baked ziti, and it was quite delicious if I do say so myself. On Sunday morning I went to play soccer (of course!) and D met me down at Atlantic Center - the closest thing we have to a mall - afterwards so we could try to find him a wool coat. There happens to be a big grocery store, so we stopped in to pick up a few things for dinner.

We decided to get a loaf of bread and the things to make a yummy salad. We wandered over to the produce section to try and find some iceberg lettuce - unsuccessfully - there was no iceberg, anywhere! I've never seen anything like that before - especially since I just moved from the state that is the iceberg capital of the freakin world! It took me by total surprise. I feel so iceberg - deprived. And empty.

PS, we bought a bag of spinach instead. I chopped up a bunch of fresh veggies, threw it all together and stuck it in the fridge. The ziti finished and we forgot all about the salad. Nice.

Politico

I heart Barack Obama.

Saturday. With Pictures.

Saturday happened to be the Boyfriend's birthday. Because we are incredibly not cool, we hardly did anything out of the ordinary to celebrate - but still had a fantastic time. And I took lots of pictures.

We decided to get up early on Saturday morning - which did NOT happen - to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge - which did. After lazing around and a trip to the post office we set out on our little adventure. First, we had to figure out how to get there, which proved to be much more difficult than we thought it would be. We figured we had to get to the Blue line on the subway, which gives you access to the A and C trains. When we got there, we noticed a sign that said the C train wasn't running - no big deal, we can take the A. So we jump on the next A train and one stop over we end up at the East Broadway stop in Manhattan - exactly where we wanted to get to, but by foot! Turns out, the A was running on the F track, so we had to backtrack and walk. Which wasn't a big deal, except we were already walking a mile and a half across the bridge and then some. Either way, we made it to the bridge and started the trek over.

If you've never walked across a bridge in your life, I'd recommend it. Here are pictures!

Starting the walk over...

Boyfriend!

The first of the two big towers

View of lower Manhattan

Having fun yet?

Upper Manhattan - Empire State Building!

When we made it to the other side, we headed over to Park Avenue where the city was hosting something called Summer Streets. Each Saturday in August the city shuts down Park Ave from the Brooklyn Bridge alllllllllllllll the way up to Central Park. Let me stress to you: shutting down an entire road in Manhattan is no small thing. I'm sure the surrounding areas were a total nightmare (more so than usual) but we sure enjoyed it! And, as you can see, so did a LOT of other people:

So many people were out enjoying the day - biking, walking, running, whatever. There were several stations set up where you could learn how to ride a bike, and people of all ages were taking advantage of it. It was really pretty funny to see women old enough to be my grandmother learning how to ride a bike for the first time!

And this shirt... Please excuse the language, but I had to take a picture of it because IT IS CLEARLY A KIDS SHIRT. Kayla... I'm going to buy this as a onesie for Wes... (it says "eff you you effing eff")

Here is boyfriend being a dork... the street sign says "Avenue of the Strongest".

At some point we turned off Park Ave, which turned out to be great because we stumbled across a little street market. Right near Chinatown. Hello, cute and cheap knockoff stuff. I bought a really cute scarf - its never too early to stock up for winter, right?!?!

From there we continued wandering - we stopped into a random shop that turned out to be the Opera House thrift store - all the clothing, props, etc that are used at the theater are sold at this store. I bought a beautiful long, grey wool coat for $50 - its never too early to stock up for winter!! We grabbed lunch at a tiny little place near NYU - best falafel ever. Then we were absolutely and utterly exhausted, so we headed home for showers and naps.

The rest of the day was pretty low key - we went to Chili's for dinner because we have like $200 in gift cards. Then we decided that we were exhausted from our 6 hours of walking around the city, so we went home early for dessert :)

Weekend Recap: Friday

As I've mentioned before, D and I have spent most of our weekends outside of the city. This has happened not necessarily by choice, as both of us really enjoy wandering around and getting to know the place a little better. We haven't really had much of a chance to do that until this weekend rolled around, and then we spent more time with the city than I think either of us expected or wanted :)

Friday we had a movie date. The neat thing about NYC is that various orgs put on cool free things. This summer, for example, has been jam-packed with free concerts, sporting events, performances, etc (that we have missed out on... no I'm not bitter). One of these free events is a Friday Night Movie series. Its put on at the beach park near Pier 40 - right on the Hudson River overlooking Jersey City. A large screen was attached to the side of a van, on which we enjoyed Shrek and free popcorn. It was a whole lot of fun - there were a ton of little kids running around, and did I mention it was free? And it was Shrek?

Afterwards we decided to wander around a bit. We were somewhere in the whereabouts of SoHo/the West Village, so we stood out a bit from the uber-trendy crowds enjoying dinner at one of the many outdoor cafes, or getting drinks at an upscale bar. We made fun of them a lot... but made fun of ourselves even more :) We ended up at what seems to be our new favorite place, Union Square - we've ended up there at least 4 times in the past week alone! We stopped to sample some of New York's finest frozen yogurt (FroYo, for those of us in the know) at Red Mango. This place is the epitome of the fashionable-but-grungy looking, work-hard-play-hard, its-cool-to-be-green crowd that populates NYC. They offer only 2 flavors, Original and Green Tea. We ordered one of each, and the proverbial jury is still out. The tea was... interesting. Definitely tasted like tea, which I'm not sure I like in my dessert. The original was delicious, though, real-tasting yogurt with dark chocolate and strawberries on top. Yummm.

After dessert, we decided to call it a night - we had a busy Saturday planned - so we jumped on the subway and headed home. I, of course, didn't take any pictures despite toting my camera all over the city. I suck. Don't worry - I took PLENTY of our adventures on Saturday - but you'll have to wait til next time to see them!

Hilarity in the Kitchen

I registered for the GRE this week. That's kind of a big, scary step... especially considering I gave myself exactly 5 weeks to prepare. I don't know about you, but holding down a 40-hour-a-week job, playing soccer (YES it is a necessity), eating, and sleeping takes up most of my life. I don't exactly have the time to re-teach myself math I learned in high school, or review billions of vocab words only to have 1 of them show up on the test. I especially don't have the time to do that in the next 5 weeks. Unfortunately, I need to take the test in September because one of the programs I'm applying to has an application deadline of Nov 1st. So, five weeks it is.

Ah, the joys of Graduate School have started already.

Boyfriend, being the wonderful and supportive Boyfriend that he is, has accepted that the next 5 weeks will be full of a grumpy girlfriend who will try her best to ignore him. (Last night I almost smacked him because he kept distracting me) He is even wonderful enough that last night he told me to focus on my studies, he would cook dinner for me. All together now: Awwww.

Boyfriend promptly learned that man-left-unattended-in-the-kitchen is a bad, baaad thing.

He prepared a scrumptious menu: Turkey melts on English Muffins, Scalloped Potatoes, and Broccoli. Assembled the ingredients. Formulated a game plan. Bent over to get the griddle out (for the turkey burgers) and SMACKED his head on the counter top. The granite counter top. Congratulations, Boyfriend, you just gave yourself a concussion.

Since he is a determined (read: stubborn) man, Boyfriend refused my offer finish cooking. He was going to do it, damn it. So he boiled, baked, chopped, toasted, the whole nine yards. He even decided to chop up some hot peppers to sprinkle in the melted cheese on top of the turkey melts. And then he itched his eye. Yes, he put his jalapeno-juice-covered finger ONTO HIS EYEBALL. I've never heard a grown man yelp like that. Congratulations, you idiot, you just blinded yourself.

I finished cooking dinner.

He rinsed his eye and iced his forehead. I don't think he'll be cooking for a while.

Oh, and the best part is that he boinked and spiced the same side of his face, so from the right angle he looked like he'd gotten his ass kicked. Hilarious.

Fun Friday

It seems like I like to write on Fridays. I think it has something to do with getting done with work at 10:30 in the morning (yay!) then having the apartment allllllll to myself until boyfriend gets home after 6. Its a wonderful thing. I accomplish a lot... take today, for example. I took a long walk, ate some chips and salsa (I miss spicy food!), napped on the couch, shopped online... I'd call that a productive day! Never mind all the things I SHOULD be doing - studying for the GRE, cleaning, laundering, making sure my brother is still alive, etc. I much prefer my lazy Fridays.

Another reason I think I like Friday is because all week I'm waiting for something good to happen. You know, something worth telling other people about. By the time Friday rolls around I come to the conclusion that my life is totally boring and I should just admit that to all the world. So, you have it. I live a boring life.

Oh! I did think of something exciting. It's looking like we will be making the trek back to Arizona for Thanksgiving. Mark your calendars!!! D's dad has a whole slew of frequent flier miles to use by the end of the year, and we will be more than willing to see the sun by that point.

Speaking of sun... why the heck are the leaves ALREADY changing colors here? Doesn't nature know that its only August, and that means I still have a good 2 months of summer to enjoy? Apparently August means the beginning of fall, given the crispness of the air in the mornings and things like that. Oh, I am dreading winter already.

We did have a great time last weekend - we went up to CT to visit some of my family. My grandparents were up to see my aunt, uncle, and 2 cousins so we rounded out the pack. First of all, I love love LOVE my grandmother. Seriously... she is the sweetest woman in the whole world. Second, whats up with my cousins? I remember when these kids were born - now they are 11 and 14 and act like grownups. The 14 year old has a girlfriend and is playing football at his high school and has muscles and a deep voice... what is that all about? Did I give them permission to grow up, because I definitely don't remember that. Man I'm starting to feel old. Oldness aside, its always great to get out of the city for the weekend, away from the hustle and bustle. My aunt lives on the top of a mountain in the middle of nowhere and it was so beautiful. We went quadding down the mountain, for a hike, and down to the farm to pet the cows and llamas. You just don't get covered in mud in the city like you will after a rainstorm in rural CT!

I think I am going to check out the dollar store now... I swear, you haven't seen dollar stores like the ones out here. I bought a cute scrub top at the dollar store the other day, and D bought 2 hard cover books. In AZ you get gross cookies that are wayyyy past their expiration date and Jesus candles at the dollar store. Out here they just don't mess around. Wish me luck!!