Last time I was here I was so (so!) fired up about life. I was going to tackle life! And blog about it! Wooo!
4 months later - oops - and nary a peep.
But don't think I didn't think about it. I did. I just was struggling with what to say. What to write. How to say it. Oh, and that school thing. That.
Then I had a light bulb moment. My blog should be about ME. Cue clouds parting, sunshine beaming down, and angels singing. This probably also counts as a "duh, you idiot" moment.
So. Here it goes.
I finished my first year of PA school two weeks ago, and since then I have kinda had a life. I went on a few trips. I made some new friends. I ate some good food and drank some good beer. I've hiked and swam and cooked and not slept as much as I should. I had some friends and family come visit. I crossed some things off my bucket list. Its been good.
And now second year is approaching with its own set of anxieties and challenges. I'm scared to death I'll kill a patient. I'm going to hate getting used to a new office every 5 weeks. I won't like being away from my little home. I'm nervous that I don't actually know a thing about medicine.
But I'm excited. And now that I have a life to tell you about - I'm going to start actually telling you about it. Which means you should be excited, too!
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
A Year Later
Blogging is not my thing. It's not that I don't like it - I do! I love the catharsis I get from writing, and sometimes spend an hour "study break" to read through my old posts and remember the times, good and bad. I don't blog because I just don't think about it. When significant things happen, I never think, "OH! I should blog about this!" even though I should. And as it goes, the things that seem insignificant (but really are the things that matter) get tossed aside.
I'm going to do better.
And not just at blogging, either. At life. At having things to blog about.
Most of my days/weeks go as follows: wake up before the sun. Trek to school in wind/cold/rain. Sit on my ever-growing butt for 8 hours, learning. Trek home through continuing wind/cold/rain. Play with the beastie for a minute or two. Sit on my aforementioned butt and study.
But my jeans can't take it any more, and neither can I.
When we started this program we were told, in not quite these words, to put our lives on hold. Tell family and friends you'd be MIA. Quit jobs, teams, other commitments. Prepare for a barrage of information. Prepare to be cracked, even broken, but to come out better on the other side for having lived through it. I can't help but think: is this an educational program, or is this war?
I'm so happy to have school in my life. I've worked hard to get here and I appreciate this opportunity. Not many people get the chance to stop their lives, have no responsibility but to learn, to become educated in the science and to become proficient at this art, to study the thing they are most passionate about. That's a pretty rare gift. I catch myself at least once a week - even still, 9 months in - in awe at the fact that I was accepted, how amazing my classmates are, and how special these 26 months really, really are.
But - and there's always a but - how much stress, loneliness, and time is that opportunity worth?
One of my biggest goals and personal challenges in life is attaining some sort of personal balance. I tend to go all-in to things, or not nearly enough. I struggle to find a happy medium between consuming and fasting. I'm working toward, to continue the analogy, a life where I can sample until I find something I like enough to commit. Like a beer tasting flight. Nobody should be getting drunk or leaving sober after a beer tasting flight, but one should have a better idea of what you want to drink. My goal/theory is to beer-tasting-flight life.
Starting now (never mind that its before noon as I write this)
I want to do things. I want to blog about them. I want to laugh more and spend less time at my desk. I want to remember what day of the week it is and eat healthfully. I want to cook more and run more and swim more and hike more - I really, really want to hike more. I want to love on my doggie and make more friends and sacrifice a little sleep. I want to not feel guilty about watching TV occasionally, or running errands, or doing other things necessary for life. I want to think about things that aren't medicine, read books that aren't about physiology, and stop referencing Current in normal conversation (even though its kind of been my bible lately) (and even though I think that doesn't count as "normal" conversation) (on a related note, I want to remember what "normal conversation" is).
Get ready to hear a lot more from me, kids.
I'm going to do better.
And not just at blogging, either. At life. At having things to blog about.
Most of my days/weeks go as follows: wake up before the sun. Trek to school in wind/cold/rain. Sit on my ever-growing butt for 8 hours, learning. Trek home through continuing wind/cold/rain. Play with the beastie for a minute or two. Sit on my aforementioned butt and study.
My happy beastie
But my jeans can't take it any more, and neither can I.
When we started this program we were told, in not quite these words, to put our lives on hold. Tell family and friends you'd be MIA. Quit jobs, teams, other commitments. Prepare for a barrage of information. Prepare to be cracked, even broken, but to come out better on the other side for having lived through it. I can't help but think: is this an educational program, or is this war?
I'm so happy to have school in my life. I've worked hard to get here and I appreciate this opportunity. Not many people get the chance to stop their lives, have no responsibility but to learn, to become educated in the science and to become proficient at this art, to study the thing they are most passionate about. That's a pretty rare gift. I catch myself at least once a week - even still, 9 months in - in awe at the fact that I was accepted, how amazing my classmates are, and how special these 26 months really, really are.
But - and there's always a but - how much stress, loneliness, and time is that opportunity worth?
One of my biggest goals and personal challenges in life is attaining some sort of personal balance. I tend to go all-in to things, or not nearly enough. I struggle to find a happy medium between consuming and fasting. I'm working toward, to continue the analogy, a life where I can sample until I find something I like enough to commit. Like a beer tasting flight. Nobody should be getting drunk or leaving sober after a beer tasting flight, but one should have a better idea of what you want to drink. My goal/theory is to beer-tasting-flight life.
Tasting flights with some friends in LA
Starting now (never mind that its before noon as I write this)
I want to do things. I want to blog about them. I want to laugh more and spend less time at my desk. I want to remember what day of the week it is and eat healthfully. I want to cook more and run more and swim more and hike more - I really, really want to hike more. I want to love on my doggie and make more friends and sacrifice a little sleep. I want to not feel guilty about watching TV occasionally, or running errands, or doing other things necessary for life. I want to think about things that aren't medicine, read books that aren't about physiology, and stop referencing Current in normal conversation (even though its kind of been my bible lately) (and even though I think that doesn't count as "normal" conversation) (on a related note, I want to remember what "normal conversation" is).
Get ready to hear a lot more from me, kids.
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