Audience?

I feel a wee bit pressure now that I know there is more than one person (Kayla!) that reads this thing. Like I have to say something witty or smart. Or just not sound like a complete and total idiot. Whatever.

::This will be a break-up free zone::

Up until yesterday I thought I had maybe made some forward progress. Closed a chapter. Up until yesterday. Then I took a huuuuuuge (if momentary) step backwards. It felt so good to just breathe and not think about how many things I've screwed up. I indulged myself because I felt like I deserved it. I know exactly how it feels to be awkwardly groping about in the dark. I let myself be all wrapped up, lost in the moment, and it was blissful.

Please don't let that be another string for me to fruitlessly cling to. Please make this real, tangible. Please let me continue to believe in the principles that I've lived by.

::Back to the real world::

::More of Shawna being overly melodramatic::

I miss my friend the most. More than the love and the relationship and the sex and the future and the feelings. I miss my best friend.

I've been leaning on a few unlikely sources. They are good friends - I'm lucky to have them - but nothing like the unequivocal support that you have given. You believed (believe) in me. You pushed (push) me. You trusted (trust) me. And I need that friend.

::Exit state of ridiculousness::

And now, to bed.